“He’s Not in the Mall, Coach.” And Other Ways Referees De-Escalate When It’s Not Even Their Call
We asked everyone how they handle this tricky situation.
You’ve all been there.
Your partner makes a tough call, and next thing you know, you’re the one getting an earful. The ball’s dead, the crowd is loud, and a coach is marching toward you—not because of something you did, but because they didn’t like what your partner just called. Now you’re in the crosshairs.
So how do you handle it?
In advance of tonight’s FREE Pro Officials and Pizza event, I posed this exact question recently in the RefMasters App:
"When a coach is livid with your partner's call and approaches you about it during a dead ball, what are your go-to methods or phrases to deescalate?"
What followed was one of my favorite threads in a while—full of wisdom, humor, and the kind of grounded experience that only comes from being in the arena (literally).
Here are a few standout responses from our community:
Mark LaFountain keeps it simple:
“Listen. Sometimes they may just want to vent. Then tell them we are not going to discuss my partner. If they have a question they want to ask him/her, they’ll be over here in a minute.”
Mike Duvall goes for a mix of empathy and sharp wit:
“Most of the time they are just venting. But my go-to is, ‘I understand Mike, but this isn’t the mall and we don’t shop calls here!’”
John McLeod uses a touch of self-deprecation to break the tension:
“I call him by his first name and say, ‘Tim, you know me, I don’t do Varsity.’ That slows them down, gets a laugh—and then we address it.”
José E. Flores Díaz emphasizes angle and accountability:
“Coach, he/she got a better angle on that play than us—probably wait until you can ask them directly.”
And Lawrence Walker laid out a thoughtful two-part framework:
Identify if the coach is asking a question or just ranting.
Don’t linger in a discussion that undermines your crew.
“It should be short and sweet. If the coach doesn’t want to do that, that’s why I have that checklist of identifying their actions.”
Others chimed in with principles that feel timeless:
Bryan White: “They just want to be heard.”
Victor Myers: “Ask the coach what he/she saw. Then explain what you saw—or why you can’t speak on it.”
Chevon Keith: “I can’t answer for my partner, but I’ll let you know what I saw from my angle.”
Then there’s Joseph Carter, who goes straight to the heart of it:
“Are you saying he’s cheating or questioning his integrity?”
That’s bold, but when said with calm clarity, it can be effective in reminding a coach there are boundaries—even in the heat of competition.
We’ll be digging into this exact topic in tonight’s Pro Officials and Pizza session, where we’re posing the same question to our pros. What does an official say when they didn’t make the call, but now have to handle the fallout?
That’s coming up tonight—and the session is completely free. Grab a slice (virtually) and hear how the best in the world handle those heated dead-ball moments.
Let’s keep learning together.
Join us for Pro Officials and Pizza.
And as always—
RUN THE GAME.
July at RefMasters
This month is all about putting in the work when no one’s watching—so that when the lights come back on, you’re sharper, calmer, and more confident than ever. We’ve designed this month’s sessions to help you refine judgment, deepen rule knowledge, and engage directly with some of the best in the world across basketball, football, and baseball.
Whether you’re a rising ref or a seasoned umpire, there’s something in this July lineup for you. Come sharpen your craft with us.
Pro Officials and Pizza: Mechanics, Rules and Life on the Road
🗓️ Today, July 1
🕖 7:00pm – 8:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
NFL, NBA, and MLB officials in one virtual room, talking shop over slices. This edition of Pro Officials and Pizza is your chance to hear from the pros about the nuances of mechanics, the constant evolution of rules, and the reality of life on the road. It’s insightful, informative, and surprisingly human. Bring your questions—and maybe a snack.
Ref Rob: Situation Management & Career Advice
🗓️ Thursday, July 3
🕖 7:00pm – 8:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
Ref Rob Wann went viral for his calm, cool control on the floor—but the skills that got him there are hard-won. In this session with NBA VP of Replay Kane Fitzgerald and insights from James Williams, we’ll break down heated game situations, communication techniques, and strategies for filtering out noise. Perfect for officials looking to master presence, poise, and purpose.
Bang-Bang or Not That Close?: The Art of Close Call Timing
🗓️ Tuesday, July 8
🕒 3:00pm – 4:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
Hosted by MLB umpires Brennan Miller and Malachi Moore, this baseball session dives into the moments that happen in a blink—but define a game. You’ll explore rhythm, decision timing, and the visual cues that help separate “bang-bang” from “not that close.” Join the roundtable and trade insights with pro umps who live in the margins.
Football Preseason Tune-Up – Foul or No Foul?
🗓️ Tuesday, July 8
🕖 7:00pm – 8:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
Led by NFL referee Brandon Cruse, this session is built around one of the hardest questions in football: Was that enough for a flag? We’ll break down film, discuss marginal calls, and explore what separates a no-call from a foul. Expect lively debate and practical insights—ideal for any official looking to recalibrate before the season begins.
Rule or Myth? Breaking Down Misunderstood Plays
🗓️ Tuesday, July 22
🕒 3:00pm – 4:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
Some rules are clear. Some aren’t. And some aren’t even rules at all. In this baseball session, Brennan Miller and Malachi Moore help separate fact from fiction—covering balks, runner’s lane interference, time plays, and more. This is your chance to clear up misconceptions, deepen your understanding, and confidently explain your calls on the field.
RefMasters Basketball Camp Recap – Applying What We’ve Learned
🗓️ Tuesday, July 29
🕖 7:00pm – 8:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
Whether you attended camp or not, this is your postgame report. NBA Finals referee James Williams and NBA VP Kane Fitzgerald lead this session alongside Eric Lewis and Darron George, turning the best of camp into actionable habits. We’ll re-watch key moments, unpack feedback, and build strategies for applying those lessons under pressure.
Initial Responsibilities / Keys and Zone Officiating
🗓️ Wednesday, July 30
🕖 7:00pm – 8:00pm EDT
🔗 RSVP Here
Great officiating begins before the snap. In this session, NFL referee Brandon Cruse walks us through keys, zones, and pre-snap discipline. We’ll explore how responsibilities shift in real time, how to stay locked in on your primary read, and how crew communication keeps everything sharp. Ideal for officials looking to level up their eye discipline and coverage.
See you in the sessions.
Stay sharp. Stay curious. RUN THE GAME.